Alarm.
Not what I feel, but what I hear.
Turn it off before it wakes up my wife. Grab the phone, hit the button. Phone was on “vibrate,” and it’s a good thing that Apple thought of that particular problem. The alarm clock still worked. Damn, I forgot to plug in the charger. I’ll need to remember to take the charger to work.
Am I hungry? Well, kind of. A cigarette sounds better. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. My wife is after me to eat better, need better habits. I’ll eat after I shower and get ready.
I better hurry through the shower. Too much noise and I’ll wake the kids. It’s dawning, not quite sunrise. It’s summertime, not too early, just 6-ish. Midnight was not long ago. I’m struggling to wake up.
Shave? No, not too scruffy, I can skip. Phone, keys, wallet, smokes…where’s my lighter?…there it is. Red Bull…check. I’m good to go. I should have gotten up at 5:30 because need to do my time sheet and expense report. I’m behind.
Lock door, get in car, plug in phone, tap iTunes – there is nothing on the radio any more. All my music is “oldies” now. A little Rage Against the Machine to start the day. I’m good. Let’s go.
Shit! The trash, it’s today. I’ve already locked up the house so it will have to wait until Tuesday. I need to get a new garage door opener. Why did the kids have to break it? Skip it, I’ve got to go. The car needs new tires, needed to get that done while I was on vacation last week. Oil change, too – needed it 4,000 miles ago.
“Hey-yo-it’s-just-another-bomb-track,” Rage tells me, as I back out of the driveway. Yeah, well, my yard needed to be mowed three days ago.
Rage on shuffle, Red Bull in hand – I’m good. Take 91st to Riverside, then North. It’s early enough, no traffic. I’ll be downtown in 25 minutes. Cigarette is lit, rolling with the music, driving with a knee. Glance at the calendar, email, etc. What’s in store today?
I’m running low on cigarettes, hit QT, and reload – will run out by noon otherwise.
Hit the parking deck, no problem. Ah, Rock Star parking, it is early enough. I position car for quick getaway. Grab my Red Bull, realize I left my charger at home. Got 73% on the battery, get in elevator and go. I’ll make it.
At my desk by 7:30, I should have gotten up earlier. Log in. 48 unread from yesterday. I’ve in meeting Hell from 8 to 12. Nice. I love how people stack these up with no time in between. Down the rest of my Red Bull like a shot of Vodka, start pounding through the email.
Meetings start and off I go. No fun. Productive to a point, issues float out and no one steps up. Now I’m bored. I’ll do a quick e-mail check under the table, 49 unread. Nice. I thought I answered some? Afternoon looks open, just a couple of short meetings. 9:30 now, I should have eaten breakfast. I wish I drank coffee. The Red Bull is fading. I’m going to be late to every meeting but the first one.
Meeting. Wow, I wish there was more “thinking” at work.
Meeting. Okay, a good one. I wish there were more of these.
Meeting. These guys are killing me.
Meeting. I wonder if I can make it to my daughter’s dance class. It would be nice to make it to something besides just the recital.
Meeting. I need to get groceries tonight, if we can fit it in. No time tomorrow night.
Meeting. Nice. Some progress. I like working with really smart people.
Meeting. I’m bored again. A Haiku, I think, here it goes:
Progress is fleeting
Did I do real work today?
I expected more
Is that the structure of a Haiku? Need to Google that and see…let’s see “Hiaku,” there it is…yes, sir, I’m right. Wikipedia says so.
Customers and coworkers, I like some of them. Everyone is working hard, even if not smart. I don’t hate the players, I hate the game. It’s noon and I’m behind down, running late, 12:30. Grab a sandwich with coworkers from the same place as always. I don’t even taste it. It’s not enough but it will do. 62 unread – I was able to knock it back some during the last meeting. Never eat lunch alone? I don’t know, but it sure feels that way.
Have a strategic discussion with leadership team. I’m confused: I think it was direction. There’s a lot of talk but saying nothing. Everyone seems smart. I’m just tired. My wife called during this meeting. I couldn’t answer – I hate doing that. She hates it when I do that. I wish I could talk to my kids during the day more often. It’s my turn to talk. I hope what I say makes sense.
Ad hoc meetings begin with people coming as they pleased. It’s a gang bang, feels like, but there’s nothing in it for me. 2:15 and I haven’t called my wife back yet. She’s pissed, I know. Her text message said so. I’m handling it, but the work is piling on. That’s 61 unread, Nice.
Cigarette Number I’ve-lost-count. While it is killing me slowly, it is the only thing keeping others alive right now. I call my wife back – the kids are being difficult. It is summer and there is a limit to what can be done. They can’t swim every day literally. She needs a break, I get it. Well, so do I.
Voice mail on the phone is piled up. I pound through it. Nothing major, thankfully. I make some notes and add them to the pile. I love and hate Post-It notes. I have a pile here so I go through them quickly because they are unorganized. Man, I need to clean up my office.
I finally get to do some real work. The cliché annoys me, it is 3:00 and I haven’t done shit, feels like. I organize, prioritize, and then my boss comes in to philosophize. I want to scream, but I smile. What choice do I have? Well, you always have a choice no matter how unpleasant the alternatives.
My daughter has dance at 4:30, my son has karate at 5:00, and my youngest son has T-ball practice at 5:30. I wish I could make it to all of it, but I can’t. I’ve got to get better at rotating through these, to keep it fair. No matter what, two kids are pissed at me today – that’s something to look forward to. My wife has a thing with her friends tonight. Its 5:15, I’ve got to hit the door. Maybe I can make most of T-ball practice.
How’s traffic? Yes, sir. Not as bad as my buddies in Chicago, but bad enough. I drive more aggressively. Not sure it is helping but I feel better doing it. I crank up Green Day‘s cover of Like a Rolling Stone. I’m good.
Hmmmmm……hmm…hmm….hmm…WTF? That dude almost T-boned me! Good thing it’s a company car. I’m getting there, just ten minutes late. My son’s baseball hat is still in my car. I get a cynical smile from my wife. My daughter hugs me but it has to be quick because I need to hand my son his hat. I want more. He’s happy to see me I think.
I stand, watch, and plot strategy with my wife for how we are getting through the rest of the day. She’s splitting, taking my daughter home with her so she can get ready for time with her friends. That’s cool. I’ve got both boys covered. They hit the road and my boss calls. I’ve got to take it, I’ve got to deal. Glance at email, 64 unread. Not bad. I pound on it and knock it down to 40 before practice is over. We have to haul ass – my other son will be waiting, can’t be late.
Pick him up and get home. Plug in my phone, nearly dead. I fire up the laptop while I pick up dishes – I don’t clean the kitchen often enough. That would be more helpful. I bat clean-up from the kid’s plates – that’s dinner for me.
Hug my wife. She will have fun and I’m glad though I’m sure my face doesn’t show it. Just dinner and drinks with friends. She needs the grown-up time. I start baths for the kids. It is in and out, one-two-three. Thank God my oldest cooperates. All clean except the youngest who won’t wash his hair. That’s fine. Some day it will bother you that your hair smells like ass. Be grateful you’ve still got some hair, unlike me.
They fight bed time like there’s no tomorrow. I crave sleep, like an addict. I consider knocking over a 7-11, briefly. No problem. We make it happen. Good Night Moon – I don’t even need the book to tell the story anymore. That’s true with several of these I guess. Where the Wild Things Are, you ask? Right here, homey. I’m so glad my kids have a sense of humor – we need to laugh more.
All is quite, all is well. I sit on the front porch and smoke a cigarette. It is quiet for the first time today. It’s the garage door opening. My wife is home. It is 10:00, I’m good. We catch up for a bit – I missed her more than I admit to her. She asks if I took out the trash this morning.
Go to the laptop, 48 unread. I close the laptop and open a book. I wonder what’s cool on television these days – I wish I knew, but would rather read a book. I’m having a hard time shutting my body down. It’s a good book, one I’ve read before. I glance through my calendar at tomorrow. I put it down. It is more meetings, more work, and more people with needs. I need to get up early, but can’t bring myself to move the alarm time.
I’ll manage, I guess, but I wonder: What’s in it for me?
I do remember those days – and I still have a few of them thanks to having grand kids and a wife. I think I may stop at the doctor’s office on the way home – my respiration and blood pressure hit the roof just from reading this. Great article Larry – thanks for taking me back in time.
God, it makes me cry. You guys – you think you have to do it all – put yourself first once in a while. Say no every once in a while.
Not exactly my daily routine anymore but close enough for me to relate. How to and whom to say no to is the hard question – starting with ourselves. Thanks.