Does anyone else have a long list of to-dos at home and at work that just don’t seem to go away? I know I do: I knock one out, and two are added. That, my friends and neighbors, is a self-defeating way to live. Simple mathematics dictates that at some point the load is too large to carry and you will be crushed under the weight of obligation and necessity. This is a scary proposition for a life style, if you ask me.
I, and many others I’m sure, live this way. And, often we delay this “crushing” by prolonging the pain. We create an illusion of progress either in our own minds or through overt actions that demonstrate a progress not present. I am not talking about a living lies. I am talking about the simple fact that human beings are capable of strange things in times of great stress and pressure, often with only the best, most noble intentions.
I’m fond of this analogy when talking with my clients – I call it the “what’s wrong with yellow?” analogy. It goes like this:
Have you ever seen a project status at work go like this? A weekly review is conducted with leadership and on week one of the project, the status “stoplight” is green. Week 2, it is green again. Week 3, green…and so on, week after week for many weeks, until one day…BANG!! RED!!! RED!!…insanity, mayhem, and villainy ensue, the leader is fired, key team members are reassigned, demotions for everyone!! Hey, why not? People have to pay; someone must go down for this thing…
Why does this happen? There are lots of reasons, but rarely is it something truly unpredictable or disastrous at its core, if only we had done something about it. Those kinds of outlying events are rare, highly improbable events (for Black Swan fans, I’m with you), but the scenario above happens all the time in organizations and at home. Why the gap?
My theory is for the root of this problem is still being formulated, but I’m seeing a glimmer of it here. Or at least it is a recurring theme in my analysis anyway. Here it goes:
Some of this disparity can be explained by our basic desire to have the good opinions of others. Perception is reality. And, we humans don’t want the perception of failure attached to us or our efforts. This is true at home, at work, at the gym, on the playground, wherever. I see it everywhere. I see it at home, where questions about the trash being taken out are met with, “yes, yes, I was just getting to that,” even though it was ten-deep on the list. I see it with my kids – “clean your room” “I was going too!!!” I see it at work with projects in a green status until they are red. What’s wrong with yellow on any of these?
We live in a world of instant gratification and competing pressures to do more than can humanly be done. We use an illusion of progress to avoid the pain of the moment by creating pleasure in the moment. In many cases we even convince ourselves that the murky grey are of the task is, when you sort it out, white when in fact it is black. We talk ourselves into a truth that is convenient as opposed to accurate.
We will do much better when we can get past this. The truth is remarkably disarming. Expectations must be managed. While not a universal principle, it is helpful to remember this: most often your boss, spouse, or significant other isn’t mad at you when things aren’t done – granted they may not be happy about the fact. Rather, they are mad at you when they are surprised things are off track.
See more of the Lose Your Illusion series: An Introduction | Progress | Commitment | Productivity
